www.challengesinc.com                                                                        July | 2010    

Lies and Rumors can destroy Family Relationships

"Fire goes out without wood, and quarrels disappear when gossip stops."
– Proverbs 26:20

The community where my wife and I live, print a newsletter at various times during the year. The last one had an article in it that quoted a story about the great philosopher Socrates. It brought to mind the many times that we are told that one family member heard something "negative or bad" about another family member through a third person. Unfortunately because of a past conflict or strain with that particular family member we have a stronger tendency to believe what we are being told. It is from these types of "stories" that others try to drive wedges between the family members. Wedges eat at family member’s loyalty to, and trust of, one another. Wedges also eat the physical energy of family members making the family business a very uncomfortable place to work. If we let them, wedges will strain total family relationships and in doing so slow the decision making process and harm the operations and profitability of the family business. Many times, the people telling you the "stories" want to have you focus on the "stories" and not on them enabling them to reduce productivity as they know they are no longer being monitored (yes, this does happen too frequently!). Many times the person telling the stories will use this as a way to become a trusted member of your "team." These people believe that you will become their protector within the family business and look to them as a "trusted" insider even in front of family members. Don’t let it happen. Listen to what old Socrates has to say and use what he says to help strengthen your family relationships, loyalty and trust, all of which will result in a more successful family business.

One day the great philosopher came upon an acquaintance, who ran up to him excitedly and said, "Socrates, do you know what I just heard about one of your students..? "Wait a moment," Socrates replied. "Before you tell me, I’d like you to pass a little test. It’s called the Test of Three." "Test of three?" the acquaintance asked. "That’s correct," Socrates continued. "Before you talk to me about my student, let’s take a moment to test what you are going to say. The first test is Truth. Have you made absolutely sure that what you are about to tell me is true?" "No," the man replied, "actually I just heard about it." "All right," said Socrates. "So you don’t really know if it’s true or not. Now let’s try the second test, the test of Goodness. Is what you are about to tell me about my student something good?" "No, on the contrary," stated the acquaintance. "So," Socrates continued, "you want to tell me something bad about him even though even though you’re not certain it’s true?"

The man shrugged, a little embarrassed. Socrates continued, "You may still pass though, because there is a third test – the filter of Usefulness. Is what you want to tell me about my student going to be useful to me?" "No, not really," said the acquaintance. "Well," concluded Socrates, "If what you want to tell me is neither True, nor Good, nor even Useful, why tell it to me at all?" The man was defeated and ashamed and said no more.

How many stories have we listen to and maybe even told that do the pass the "Test of Three?" If we all practiced what Socrates did how many arguments would never have happened? How many strained relationships would still be strong? By applying the "Test of Three" how many family businesses would be more productive and caring places to work?

Let’s all try to practice the "Test of Three" for one week. I am sure we would all be pleasantly surprised by the positive change in our family business. Give it a try.

We know we can help you and your family build stronger relationships among family members as well as your family business employees. Give us a call and let’s discover together how we may be a "fit" for your family and family business.

Call us at 888-273-8307 e-mail ann@challengesinc.com or jim@challengesinc.com and visit our web site at www.challengesinc.com.

Do you want to know how to get the most out of your meetings? Join us at our FREE WEBINAR on July 13, 2010 from 1:00 p.m. – 2:00 p.m. EST. or sign up by clicking HERE.

Family Meetings – Mean or Meaningful:
Ten Steps to Successful Family Meetings

Calling a meeting is usually a sure way to stress out those who have to attend. Once announced, most members of the family business automatically "shift" to survival mode. This shift happens as most meetings are used as a "cover" to scold, demonstrate authority, and/or continue a past argument. It has been said that most of the 17 million meetings held everyday are unproductive. We will share with you proven steps, when taken that will turn your unproductive meetings into valuable tools. Register NOW!

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• How to keep from have too many meetings
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Date: Tuesday, July 13

Time: 10 AM PT/12 CT/1 PM ET

Length: 60 minutes

Cost: FREE

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Sponsored by: www.challengesinc.com Family Business Succession, Conflict Resolution Organizational Development

Sponsored by: redpoint – www.redpointcoaching.com Succession and Leadership Coaching